I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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