I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
