I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's rum buckets o'clock
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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