i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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