We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
