On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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