Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I understand Curling. That high.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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