I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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