If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
