Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
FUCK WHALES
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize