shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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