My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
