Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
