We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize