it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
