Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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