Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
