if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
