in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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