FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
