it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
