Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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