Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
