I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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