Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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