I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
