Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
