well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Someone signed my nipple.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
