you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
did i just pee glitter
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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