I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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