So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
