So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
