Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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