I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
