oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
