How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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