What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
