i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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