Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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