A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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