he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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