it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
