You made me cry and you don't even care
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
