so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize