i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
