Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
