i was born a porn star she said
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
