I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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