i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
