Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
the liver wants what the liver wants
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
