I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
