anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
