Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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