End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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