remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
