Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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