I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
