:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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