Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
