we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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