I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
