So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
