So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
