ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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