did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
