woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
