Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize