Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
This house was built for laser tag.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
3pm strippers are depressing
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
