do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
