Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
