Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Randomize
