my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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