So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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