The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
