So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
