I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
