after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
