hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
