There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
