I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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