i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
