were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
