I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
