why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
