K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
