You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
At least life still wants to fuck me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize