you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize