Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
