found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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