My hand turned me down
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
