Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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