I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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