I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just took my morning after pill in the library
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize