you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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