Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize