I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
