Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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