No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
