I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
