She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
