we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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