i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
