Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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